


One Job

by Awesome_Sauce432



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Jester Lavorre Is On The Hunt To Find Out Who Has A Crush On Her, Nott Is An Excellent Actress, Nott Is Frantically Trying To Hold Onto Her Sanity, Secret-Keeping, Shenanigans, Time To Send Nott To Interrogate Them All, slightly cracky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-22 09:55:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22714195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Awesome_Sauce432/pseuds/Awesome_Sauce432
Summary: When it comes to Beau's crush on Jester, Nott has exactly one job. Don't tell anyone else about it.Unfortunately, when the Traveller lets slip to Jester that someone in the Nein might have romantic feelings towards her, she immediately seeks out her detective partner to help her figure out who it is.Nott is not particularly excited about this turn of events.
Relationships: Jester Lavorre & Nott, Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett
Comments: 23
Kudos: 355





	One Job

It had been a beautiful day. Calm, peaceful, exactly what Nott and the rest of the Mighty Nein needed after the chaotic weeks they’d had. They’d been on the Balleater for a few days now, heading out to where the peace talks between Dwendal and the Bright Queen would take place, and the break before _that_ happened could not have been more welcome. 

Nott had been enjoying it, about as much as she could enjoy being on a wooden death trap surrounded by water. It was peaceful, at least, and she could stay below the deck (but close enough to the surface that she could run if a leak appeared) and relax. 

Then Jester quite literally kicked the door open.

“Nott holy _fuck_!” Jester was seemingly unperturbed by the ensuing screeching, closing the door gently behind her before running up to where Nott had been organising her vials. “Nott, you’ll never believe it!”

“Shit, Jester, you nearly gave me a heart attack-” Nott had a hand over her chest, breathing deeply. “Is someone dead?”

“What? No! Of course not.” Jester rolled her eyes like she was stupid, just because she’d nearly kicked the door off its hinges completely was no reason to think something _bad_ had happened, jeez Nott. “ _But_ I found out something totally crazy.” 

Nott narrowed her eyes, looking around and half expecting something to pop out. Jester had really been going crazy on the pranks lately in preparation for Travellercon, thinking up and testing out all sorts of jokes and surprises on them.

Nothing happened, so she looked back to Jester, who was bouncing on her toes. “What is it?”

_Well_ -” Jester’s hands were in fists, held loosely in front of her like she was preparing to cheer. “I was talking to the Traveller and _he_ told _me_ that _he’d_ heard that _someone_ in the Nein _actually_ has a crush on me~” 

Nott froze, staring. “What?” 

“Yeah, I know, right? And he said that he wasn’t sure exactly who it was but I think he might be lying and he just doesn’t want to tell me right away because it should be a surprise but he’s very observant you know, and he’s hanging out a lot so he’s seen stuff so he would totally know, right?” Jester spoke even faster than she usually did before suddenly hesitating. “Wait, are _you_ the one with a crush on me?” 

“Me?” Nott stammered, almost dropping the vials she was holding. “No! I mean, you’re very cute, and awesome, obviously, but I don’t- I don’t like you like _that_. I’m married!” 

“Right! That’s what I thought!” Jester turned away, pacing in a small circle while Nott put her vials down before they broke or she had an actual heart attack and dropped them. “But then who is it?” 

“I have _no_ idea!” Nott smiled widely in the picture of over-exaggerated innocence, but luckily Jester wasn’t looking at her. 

“We have to find out!” 

“What?” 

Jester spun around again to look at her, a smile splitting her face. “It’s a mystery!”

“ _What?”_

“And who better to help me solve it than my detective partner!” 

“ _W h a t?”_

“It will be fun! We’ll figure it out together!” Jester continued, before gasping. “I’ll go get my things! Then we can devise a plan!” 

She promptly darted out of the room, leaving Nott by herself again, but no longer relaxed. Oh god. 

Jester knew, or at least thought she knew, that someone in the Nein had a crush on her. And she had asked the one person who _knew_ who had a crush on her to help her figure it out.

Beau could not have been more clear that she didn't want _anyone_ to know. Especially Jester herself. They were on a boat. There would be no escape from an angry monk. 

She didn’t even have her flask to deal with this.

She was doomed. 

* * *

“Okay!” Jester announced, holding a piece of paper listing all the other members of the Mighty Nein in her hands. “We have five options!” 

Nott, feeling not unlike she did when the Nein were about to head into a terrible, dangerous dungeon, nodded mutely from the bed she was sitting on while Jester flounced about in front of her. 

“We need to tackle this methodically, _carefully_.” She said, looking at the piece of paper. “I think we should start with Beau-”

“Beau? Why Beau?” Nott’s voice definitely did _not_ crack, and when Jester looked at her, she definitely did _not_ wince. 

“Why not?” Jester tilted her head. “I mean, she’s my roommate and everything, we’ve basically spent the most time together.”

“Nah, I don’t think it’s her.” Nott folded her arms, closing her eyes. Perhaps that would make it easier to lie. “She doesn’t do romance.”

And if she found out what Nott was doing she’d lose her mind. Fifty percent chance she’d just throw herself overboard. Nott had _seen_ Beau during the Zone of Truth in the Xhorhaus. She was hopeless. The other fifty percent was the chance that she’d throw Nott overboard instead. Maybe if she did, Nott could just run across the water all the way back home. Hmm. She filed that away as a last resort. 

Jester deflated a little, frowning down at the list. “Then… who should we start with?”

“What about Fjord?” Nott suggested. “That would make sense, right?” 

Maybe he’d also turn out to have a crush on Jester and Beau’s secret would stay safe. 

“I guess…” The frown continued for a moment more before it was erased away, replaced by a confident smile. “Okay! Fjord first!” 

She rubbed her hands together, the paper scrunched up. “Here’s what we’ll do! Nott, you’ll go up and ask Fjord if he has a crush on me, and then I’ll hide behind the door and overhear!”

“What?!” Nott’s voice was going to go hoarse from all the shrieking she was doing today. “Why me?”

“He won’t be totally honest if _I_ do it!” Jester threw her hands up. “It wouldn’t be real.” 

“And coercing a confession through me… _is_ real?” 

Jester looked at her for a moment, seeming to consider it. 

“I mean, yeah?” 

Nott really, _really_ wished she had her flask. 

* * *

Fjord had been on the deck when Nott found him, Jester disguised as one of the sailors a few feet away pretending to be messing with ropes. 

Nott had asked why Jester couldn’t disguise herself as Nott and ask everyone, but Jester had just mumbled a reason about not wanting to be distracted trying to act like Nott when she _really_ wanted to be focused on figuring out who liked her. 

Whatever. Nott had accepted her fate. This was going to kill her, the only question was who would end up doing it. 

“Fjord?” She should have suggested someone else first. She didn’t know what the fuck she was supposed to say. 

“Nott?” Fjord raised an eyebrow in her direction, looking out to the horizon. “What’s up?”

Resisting the temptation to look back where Jester was milling around and acting like she knew how the ship’s ropes worked, Nott took a deep breath. “Can’t I talk to one of my dear, dear friends?” 

Well if he wasn’t suspicious before, he _definitely_ was now. 

“What do you want?” 

“Okay, okay, look. Look.” She pressed her hands together. “This is serious shit. It’s about Jester.” 

Some of the wariness slipped into concern, and Fjord turned to face her more properly. “What about her?” 

There was a short silence, and Nott decided to toss up a quiet prayer to whatever fucking god might be listening. Except the Traveller, who had caused this mess in the first place. The Traveller could choke. 

“Do you have a crush on her?” 

Fjord stared at her. Nott stared back. 

“What the fuck?” 

“It’s a simple question!” Nott threw up her hands, voice a little louder than intended. 

“Why are you asking me this? What’s going on?” 

“I just wanted to know! Just say yes or no!” 

“No? I don’t have a crush on Jester.” Fjord was looking at her like she’d sprouted another head, shaking his own and pinching the bridge of his nose. 

Nott stiffened. “Wait, you don’t? Really?” Her hands dropped to her side. “Are you sure?” 

He rolled his eyes. “Yes, I’m sure. I’ve had plenty of time to consider my feelings for Jester, and though I love her, it’s not romantically.”

“But…” But that meant they’d have to keep going. And eventually Jester would get to Beau’s name. “Are you _really_ sure?”

“Why are you so concerned?” Fjord folded his arms. “It’s none of your business anyway.” 

“Uh… no reason! Fuck you!” Nott scowled. “I haven’t had alcohol in a week!” 

Fjord narrowed his eyes at her, before groaning. “If you’re going through withdrawal, you can go be pissy at literally anyone else.” 

She flipped him off as she left, just for good measure, before immediately turning and running out of his view, where Jester met up with her.

“Well, I guess we can check Fjord off the list.” Jester sighed, pulling out her piece of paper. 

“Are you disappointed?” Nott asked, wincing. 

Jester didn’t answer for a moment, pursing her lips as she crossed Fjord’s name out. “No, that’s okay. I just don’t know who to do next.”

“What about Caleb?” Nott said. At least she knew how to talk to Caleb. And Caleb was great, maybe he’d have a crush on Jester and then it would all work out and Beau would remain unaware and Nott would remain alive and whole. 

* * *

“Heeeeyyyyy, Cay.” Nott pushed open the door to Caleb’s quarter’s, which he technically shared with Caduceus, who was thankfully not there. 

Caleb was sitting on one of the cots with his spellbook out, writing in notes. He looked up when Nott entered, waving a loose hello before going back to his work.

Nott walked in, leaving the door ajar behind her and sidling up to Caleb’s cot. “Whatcha working on?” 

“My dunamantic studies. I hope to have the spells Essek taught me perfected by the time we return to Xhorhas.” Caleb said.

“Ooh, very cool, very cool. You’re so smart. And handsome. And romantic. Hey, totally random segue, how do you feel about Jester?” 

Caleb turned to look at her, utter confusion plain on his face. She just stared back, smiling placidly. 

“Jester?” 

“Yes, Jester. Unless there are any other random Jester’s I don’t know about.” She cracked a crooked grin, nudging Caleb’s ribs with her elbow and avoiding looking directly in his eyes. If she did, she’d lose it. 

“I… I think Jester is very nice. She is a dear friend, and powerful ally.” Caleb finally said, speaking even more slowly and deliberately than he usually did. 

“Okaaay, any other feelings? Any at all?” Nott pressed.

“She is very intelligent… and a valuable member of our team. I think we are all very lucky for knowing her.” Caleb straightened up a little, turning his body towards her. “Is everything alright?”

“Everything’s fine!” A part of her wanted Caleb to realise the truth. Maybe then Jester would give the whole idea up. Maybe if she blinked long enough Caleb would realise she was being coerced. “I just wanted to know how you felt about Jester! Maybe- maybe if there were any… romantic inclinations?” 

“Romantic inclinations?” Caleb repeated, eyes widening a little, though his expression changed little beyond that. “No. I don’t feel anything romantically for Jester.” 

“Not even a little?” 

“No. I care for Jester very deeply, as I care for everyone in the Nein. But, ah, not romantically. Those kinds of feelings… they are rare for me.” The corner of his mouth quirked a little, and he leaned a little towards her. “Did you think I did?” 

“Uh… yeah! Yeah, you know, ever since- ever since you two danced at Hupperdook, way back when, ha, I’ve just been… convinced.” Nott laughed awkwardly, and Caleb chuckled once.

“Oh, that is a long time ago.” He said. “No. That was just a dance. I hope you haven’t talked to Jester about this. I wouldn’t want to give her a false impression.”

“Course not.” Nott said, the words feeling a bit hollow. “I wouldn’t tell anyone about feelings like that.”

“Yes, I imagine it probably wouldn’t be the best way to find out.” Caleb mused, and it was all Nott could do to stop herself from pulling her own hair out. “Did you need anything else? I wouldn’t mind the company.” 

Sliding off the cot, Nott tried to act natural. “Nah, I’m- really hungry, I’m gonna go find some food. Bye!” 

“That was a bust too.” Jester scowled once they reconvened in a hallway far away from Caleb’s room. 

“He did say lots of nice things about you, though.” Nott said.

“He did. But he doesn’t _love_ me.” She crossed Caleb’s name out, tapping the pen to her chin at the three remaining. “Okay, now I think we should try Beau.” 

“What? Nah, I don’t think so.” Nott said. Shit, shit, she needed to think of a good reason. “What about Yasha? We know she likes ladies!”

“So does Beau, though. And Yasha like, used to be married. I don’t know, that might feel weird.” Jester frowned. “Maybe we should leave Yasha.” 

“You asked me if _I_ had a crush on you and I’m married right now.” Nott said. “Besides, Yasha smacked your butt that one time while you were a mammoth! That’s totally romantic.” 

“She _did_ do that, didn’t she.” Jester considered, before finally grinning. “Okay, okay, let’s do Yasha.” 

Nott nodded, hoping her relief wasn’t visible on her face. Safe, for a little while longer. 

* * *

It actually took a while to find Yasha. While looking, Nott had peered into the Captain’s Quarters and found Beau rummaging through Avantika’s old closet (which had already been thoroughly ransacked the _last_ time they’d been on the Balleater) and promptly led Jester as far away to the other side of the ship as possible before she could realise Beau was there. 

Luckily, Yasha was on the other side of the ship. In the cargo hold. 

“Uh, Yash? What are you doing down here?” Nott asked. 

“It’s quiet.” Yasha said, closing the book in her lap. “There are a lot more crew members now than there was last time, it feels very busy.” 

“Oh, cool.” Nott sat down opposite Yasha. She was even more clueless as to how to broach this than she had been with Fjord. “So… how have you been?” 

Yasha shifted a little, considering. She was like Caleb in that way, she always liked to take a moment to select her words. “Good, I suppose. I’m glad nothing has happened while we are on this boat yet.” 

Nott nodded. “Yeah. That’s good.” They lapsed into a light silence. 

Yasha eventually went back to reading her book, and Nott could feel herself starting to sweat.

On _one_ hand, if this lasted forever, they’d never have the chance to ask Beau, and Nott would live to see tomorrow. On the other hand, she wasn’t sure if Jester had enough patience for that. 

“Ladies, amiright?” Was what her stupid, panicked, possibly actually going through withdrawal brain finally came up with, and when Yasha’s eyes snapped up to look at her she thought she might actually splinter into a hundred pieces.

Literally _what?_

“Uh…” Yasha’s voice trailed off. “Right?” Another silence. “Is… is there something you want to tell me?” 

Nott felt the blood rush to her cheeks, her fingers digging into her palms and her voice cracking as she rushed to explain herself. “No! I mean- not like that! I know _you_ like ladies but I don’t, I was just- uh- you like girls, don’t you?” 

“Yes?” Yasha’s eyebrows knitted together, and she gently closed the book, placing it aside. “I am… confused.” 

“So-” She chuckled breathlessly. “What about Jester? She’s pretty cute, right? The kind of girl you’d be looking at?” 

“Jester is very cute, yes.” Yasha relaxed a little. “She is wonderful.” 

“So… you’re attracted to her? Like a crush?”

“I wouldn’t say that, I don’t think.” Yasha shrugged lightly, before eyeing her. “Are _you_ attracted to her?” 

“What? No! She’s one of my best friends!” Nott said, and a ghost of a smile crossed Yasha’s face. “I’m not!”

“I believe you. I’m not either.”

“Yeah, we’re just a couple of gals who _aren’t_ attracted to Jester, right?” 

“Right.” Yasha was still looking at her, slightly amused but mostly confused, probably wondering if there was something else going on here.

“Right.” Nott repeated.

“Right.”

Silence.

  
A very, very long silence.

“Can I have my flask back?”

“No.” 

“Well, great talking to you! Bye Yasha!” 

She walked very casually out of the cargo hold. Which in reality meant she could not have looked more awkward, painfully aware of Yasha’s eyes following her every move until she was out of sight. 

“Another no?” Jester was already crossing off Yasha’s name.

“Another no.” Nott said, grimacing. “Onto Caduceus?” 

“I don’t really think it’s Caduceus.” Jester said. 

“Come on, you should give it a shot. Would your best detective friend lead you wrong?” Nott smiled, though honestly if Jester pushed going for Beau she wasn’t sure how much she’d be able to resist. Caduceus would say no and they’d have to do it anyway.

Maybe she could just accept the inevitable. Tell Jester now and hide somewhere Beau would never find her even if she tore apart the entire boat. 

No. She’d kept the secret until now. She could keep going. She had to. At least then Beau wouldn’t be able to say she hadn’t tried. 

* * *

She found Caduceus in the kitchen, which he had effectively monopolised since they’d gotten onto the boat. Apparently whatever system the crew members used was totally inefficient, and he was still reorganising it to his comfort. 

“Caddyshack, what’s up?” Nott slid into the kitchen, leaning against a barrel. 

“Hello, Nott.” Caduceus said mildly. “Do you need something?” 

“You grew up pretty isolated, right?” 

“I suppose so.” Caduceus shrugged, looking at her curiously. “Why do you ask?” 

“I’m just wondering… how were you and your siblings going to ever… find partners in life? If you lived in the cemetery your whole lives?” She was honestly not even trying to seem natural anymore, and she could feel Caduceus’ eyes peering through her, staring into her _soul_. Hopefully he could see how totally exhausted she was and go easy on her. 

“We were not bound to the cemetery, we could leave if we wished.” Caduceus’ face didn’t change, as if he hadn’t noticed anything amiss at all. 

“Would you have ever left? If we had never come by, would you have gone out to find a wife? Or husband, or whatever?” 

“I suppose I might’ve, eventually. That’s never been a particularly big concern for me.” 

“So… you don’t think any of us would be suitable partners? Like me… or Jester…” 

Caduceus’ eyes flickered to her again, holding for a moment before shifting around the room. “If Jester wants to know whether I have romantic feelings for her she could just ask me herself, you know.”

“Whaaaaaat-” 

“ _Shit-_ ” There was a muffled thud and then the kitchen door swung open, Jester stumbling inside from where she had evidently been leaning against it to listen in. “Caduceussssss, did you know I was there the whole time?” 

“No. I just guessed based on when I overheard the two of you plotting to figure out who had a crush on you while you walked by here an hour ago.” Caduceus’ face remained perfectly neutral, but after a moment he started to smile. “I don’t, by the way. But I’m flattered.” 

Jester groaned, and Nott looked between the two of them. 

“There are easier ways to go about it, you know.” Caduceus said. “Like asking us.” 

Jester stood up, hanging her head and suddenly looking very embarrassed. “Yeah, but…”

“You didn’t have a problem using Zone of Truth for it back in Xhorhas.” Caduceus pointed out.

“That’s different! There it’s like, kind of a joke, you know?” Jester defended herself, wringing her hands together. “And I didn’t think anyone _actually_ had a crush on me.” 

“And how has this gone?” 

There was a short silence, and Jester’s face fell. “Terrible. Now I just feel bad. I shouldn’t have tried to figure it out, this isn’t romantic at _all_.” 

“Can I ask what you were going to do if one of us admitted to having romantic feelings for you?” Caduceus asked. “Or were you hoping for someone in particular to say yes.” 

Jester looked at him, biting her lip. Realisation slowly dawned, and Nott’s mouth dropped open.

“Jester… do _you_ have a crush on one of us?” She asked. “Wait, it’s not still Fjord, is it?” 

“No!” Jester groaned, burying her face in her hands. “Not anymore! That was different, this is- I don’t know _what!_ ” 

“Did you want to find out if your crush liked you back?” Nott asked, and Jester froze up for a moment before nodding, her face still hidden from view. 

Nott’s brain practically melted, trying to figure out which of the Nein it was. It wasn’t her, since Jester had enlisted her help in the first place. But she hadn’t had a particularly upset reaction to any of the others saying they didn’t have feelings for her. 

Which left only one they hadn’t asked yet. 

“It’s Beau?” Her voice nearly squeaked when she asked it.

Jester nodded again.

Nott stared.

The feelings had been _mutual_ the entire time? SERIOUSLY? 

She could’ve AVOIDED this entire anxiety-inducing MESS? 

The universe truly was a cruel mistress. 

“You have to tell her!” She practically screeched, and Jester’s head jerked up. 

“What? No, no, I can’t! This was a stupid idea, I never should’ve done it!” 

“No, you should! Shoot your shot, you know? Take a risk! A chance!” Put an end to her misery! 

“I don’t think it could hurt.” Caduceus added, not quite as encouraging and confident as Nott would have hoped but better than nothing. 

“You can do it! We’ve gone through everyone else on the list, haven’t we? If you stop now, you’ll just drive yourself crazy thinking about it!” 

Jester paused, considering that. “You’re probably right about that… but I can’t just force it, can I? It should be… it should be romantic.” 

“I first kissed my husband on a _dare_.” Nott said, scoffing lightly. “Anything can be romantic if you love the other person.” 

“You think so?” Jester perked up a little, and Nott nodded, frantic to keep this going.

“Of course! It’ll be great! Beau was in the Captain’s Quarters last I saw her, there’s that awesome balcony and everything, super secluded, super romantic.” 

“Yeah… yeah! I can do it!” 

“I believe in you, Jester! Knock her off her feet! Blow her socks off! Maybe punch her, she probably finds that hot!” Nott began pushing Jester towards the door, wishing her good luck as she found her excitement, going from hesitant steps to confident strides. 

When she was gone, Nott slammed the kitchen door shut, leaning up against it and sliding to the ground. “Holy _shit_ I thought I was gonna lose it.” 

Now Caduceus looked truly amused. “You think this will end well?” 

“It fucking better, I’ve been trying not to tell Jester Beau loves her all _day_!” Nott exclaimed.

A split second later Caduceus’ eyes widened, and Nott realised her mistake. 

“ _fuck_.” 

“If Beau finds out you convinced Jester to confess, I’m sure she’ll find it in her heart to forgive you.”

**Author's Note:**

> sdfghskdfgsdfg look i think as a fandom we could be exploiting the 'Nott is the only one that canonically knows about beau's crush' angle way more. Where are the shenanigans? I need shenanigans.


End file.
